Mastering Balance in a Fast-Paced World feat. Tom Bohen

What does true balance look like in today's leadership landscape? Corporate veteran Tom Bohen joins host Blaise Delfino to unpack the delicate art of maintaining equilibrium between professional ambition and personal fulfillment in our hyper-connected world.

Growing up in a modest Queens household with six people sharing 1,100 square feet, Tom developed adaptability that would later define his leadership philosophy. From juggling academics and extracurriculars in college to eventually leading over 1,100 employees through the COVID-19 pandemic, Tom's journey illuminates how balanced leadership evolves through different life stages and unprecedented challenges.

The conversation reveals practical wisdom for both emerging and established leaders. Tom shares his ingenious "Friday data dump" strategy that allowed him to contain work stress and remain present with his family through decades of increasing technological demands. His refreshing perspective on authentic leadership contradicts outdated notions that leaders shouldn't care if their teams like them – instead building rapport that fostered high performance through mutual respect rather than fear.

Perhaps most compelling is Tom's approach to the technological revolution that transformed workplace expectations. While managing the shift from simple email to 24/7 connectivity, he established boundaries that protected what mattered most while still excelling professionally. His method for navigating this tension offers a template for today's leaders facing similar challenges with remote work and digital overwhelm.

As Tom prepares to launch his book "The Balanced Leader" this May, his message resonates with profound simplicity: take care of your responsibilities, be a team player, and the financial rewards will follow naturally. Whether you're a corporate executive, emerging leader, or parent seeking better equilibrium, this conversation provides both inspiration and actionable strategies for becoming more present in all aspects of life.

Don't miss this opportunity to learn from someone who's mastered the delicate balance between professional success and personal fulfillment. Subscribe to the “Trail Blaiser” podcast for more conversations that will transform how you approach leadership in work and life.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Tom Bowen
• 2:45 Roots of Balanced Leadership Approach
• 6:55 Adapting to Technology & Professional Balance
• 14:12 Leadership Style & Building Team Rapport
• 17:58 Being Present for Family & Work
• 28:59 Leadership Through Crisis: The COVID Challenge
• 36:34 Communication & Weekly Partner Debriefs
• 45:11 Long-Term Benefits of Balanced Leadership

Transcript

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 0:00

Welcome to the "Trail Blaiser" podcast. I'm your host, Blaise Delfino, and I'm hoping you had a wonderful week. If you tuned in to our first episode, which we released last week, you probably heard me say that we're going to be talking to corporate leader, parent coach, Mr Tom Bowen, and with us today on the Trailblazer is Tom Bowen. Tom, welcome to the Trailblazer podcast.

Tom Bohen: 0:26

Thank you, Blaise. It's an honor to be here. Good to see you.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 0:29

You're looking good Tom you still have a better hairline than me, so let's Well, that's not too hard. Tom, you know, before we really dive in, this is totally unscripted. You are friends with my in-laws and lived in Arizona for about seven months Challenging time in my life but I really do believe that God puts people in our lives for a reason, and had the opportunity to just learn a lot from you and Stu and Frank during a very vulnerable time in my life, and so the ability to have you on the show to learn more about leadership from you means a lot to me, because I really do believe it will help a lot of our listeners tuned in, who not only may want to grow professionally, but maybe they want to grow personally as well. So I'm really honored to have you on the show, tom.

Tom Bohen: 1:26

Well, thank you, that's very flattering. I don't know if I'm worthy of that, but I'll do my best. Oh, you are.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 1:31

You are and you were at my wedding in 2020.

Tom Bohen: 1:36

And I still have some good unshared videos, so you know maybe.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 1:40

I'll have to. Was I breaking it down?

Tom Bohen: 1:43

No, I left that part out. It was your father-in-law and your beautiful bride sharing a dance. How about that?

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 1:49

I love it. I love it. That was the best day ever. So, tom, you've written a book called the Balanced Leader. Share with us your personal journey. You know what led you to embrace the concept of balanced leadership and why is that message so important today.

Tom Bohen: 2:08

I appreciate that. You know it's interesting. You know, as I grew up I grew up in New York and as a kid I knew how important schoolwork was and my parents ingrained that in me, my mom especially as well. As you know, when you go to Catholic school and I think you did a little Catholic school, I did, you know there's a little extra incentive to do well, but I always knew that school was important.

Tom Bohen: 2:30

But you know, growing up in New York and I grew up in Queens, having fun was important too, right, running and going outside. So automatically as a kid you're trying to balance being a good student because that was important to me and wanting to have fun and getting good enough grades. So you know, mom and dad would let me play little league. You know that was. You know that was the thing. And then as I got older I was a good student, good student in high school. Then, you know, probably erred on the fun side a little too much, but as I tried to tell my parents, it's like you know, I got to build the social skills, get ready for the real world. Yeah.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 3:00

Come on.

Tom Bohen: 3:00

Mom and Dad. I didn't really buy that it was similar in college. But in college it was like you know, I worked. I worked nights as a grocery clerk to put myself through school. Now my parents, you know we were probably the lower middle class family, you know, six of us living in 1,100 square feet. But my parents worked hard to pull themselves up from their generation, and you know so I had to work to go to school to pull themselves up from their generation, and you know so I had to work to go to school, and I think that was good for me because it helped me learn balance of school work. And then there was always that fun part.

Tom Bohen: 3:33

I did end up joining a fraternity, and while people look at fraternities and the Greek system sometimes as, oh, it's all fun and games, it's not necessarily that too. You know, there's a lot of philanthropy, a lot of sports which was, which was great a lot of teamwork. But there are also opportunities to lead. So I was going to college, had an opportunity to lead at the fraternity and do some things. I was an officer in the fraternity and I also got a chance to do some professional writing before I finished college too, but that's a much longer story. So balancing all those things and getting your degree was very, very difficult. But I thought each one of those components was important for me as I started thinking about what I was going to do in my career. I thought I was going to be a great sports writer or newscaster someday, but I didn't. And then I kind of happened into leadership and that happened to be great for me and those skills those skills that I learned in communication, journalism, served me well.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 4:28

Tom, we talk about balanced leadership and adapting to your environment. Growing up in a household of six and 1100 square feet, do you think that that experience taught you how to adapt and how to be a team player? Well, I didn't have a choice, Like did you take cold showers because the hot water was gone.

Tom Bohen: 4:52

You know the best thing about that was you figure out ways to make it work and it never felt like I wanted or needed for anything. I do talk about that in the book and I didn't. We always had great Christmases and birthdays and whatnot. But you know I had friends that lived on the other side of the tracks who had a lot more than I did, but they were some of my buddies and my friends. But I do think it helped me put up because you know we were in those close quarters. There is a little conflict, but you know we couldn't be closer today. So that's a great thing we got through it.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 5:36

I appreciate that, tom, and both of us coming from humble beginnings, and you know, I think that's where that grit comes from for sure. So you're in college. You're balancing all of these extracurriculars on top of your curriculum. Tom, you have an incredible story because you recently exited corporate. Now you are an author. You had the opportunity to experience a technological boom as an emerging leader. So bring us through that. You're a parent. You have two children. So when we talk about 20, 30 years ago, when you first had your children, there wasn't as much technology balancing to now. There's more tech today, like for our parents tuned in, for our corporate leaders tuned in. How did you handle that? How did you adapt and how did you balance everything?

Tom Bohen: 6:30

Yeah, it was an interesting time. So early on in my career, email was a big thing. You had those. What were they? Those PC 3270 terminals? I know I'm dating myself. I was in operations so I had to-.

Tom Bohen: 6:43

I was born in 91, tom, so I had to put those things in and move around the office from time to time. And that was the email. And that was such a cool thing, right, because nobody had email at home, we had it in the office. But then, as things evolved, we started to have things like voicemail and you could check a voicemail remotely. But that still wasn't the era of always being on.

Tom Bohen: 7:07

As we got into the turn of the century and the Y2K, and that was a time where cell phones became really more prevalent, that was where things changed and I had a boss that said, hey, I want you guys to have your cell phones on your you know, your person at all times. And it was that was an adjustment. It was like, oh, okay, I think one of the most important things that I had to do is you had to prioritize your personal and professional purpose and priorities. So it's like, okay, he or she can have access to me, but there are things I'm just, you know, I'm not going to pick up the phone. You know, I'm like you, I'm Catholic, I go to mass. I'm not going to pick up the phone at mass. But there are other things.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 7:44

Excuse me, father just hold on a second.

Tom Bohen: 7:46

Right, or if I'm at like a graduation or a school play or something you know, am I going to pick up the phone if the phone rings? That was before texting was prevalent either. So it definitely was an adjustment. I think it was an adjustment for people in leadership as well. As you know, the people who were working for folks at that time were who were working for folks at that time were who were a little, a little more demanding. So I had a boss that was. He was really focused on time and not product.

Tom Bohen: 8:10

Now, look, I put my time in. I'd come into the office at six or six 30, because I enjoyed coaching my boys. I coached my boys and going back to the balance thing literally for years, and then for the most, most of my career, the last 20 years, I had a great boss and he completely supported it to take that time. I came into the office really early. I left a little earlier than some people did, but I'm already worked my nine, 10 hours and sometimes I go back to the office. But the first time I ever got like the wake up call of you know, oh my gosh, this is like, this is new, or you know you're being, you're on your personal time or you think, when I was coaching my younger son, I'm in the bullpen with Kevin. Kevin is a great little eight nine-year-old pitcher. He's warming up with my son, who was a great little eight nine-year-old catcher and the phone rings and it's my boss and it's like and it was like five o'clock, I'm like I already worked like six to four, so it was like a pretty long day at that point in my career. It's like where are you? And I couldn't resist plays. I said I'm in the bullpen with kevin and he looks really good tonight.

Tom Bohen: 9:17

So that didn't go well. You know he didn't understand it and wasn't a baseball guy, but it was kind of like I had to learn how to change my mindset or frame of mind and I think it also made me make sure that I level set with my boss or bosses in the future, like, hey, this is important to me, my balance is important to me and my family's important to me. I want to do these things and I hope we can work through that. So it was a little challenging. But then it exploded right. By the time everybody has a cell phone text. You know, the last 10, 15 years of my career. I was up at four o'clock in the morning and then checking emails till nine o'clock at night, because I can't stay up past nine o'clock anymore.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 9:59

And I mean, tom, you know what's interesting if we backtrack there, we're talking about balanced leadership and not just corporate leadership. You can lead your family. Leadership is an umbrella term and I think today, when people hear the term leadership, it's like, oh, corporate or business or entrepreneur, it's like no, no, no, no, no, no. You can be a 13-year-old leader on your traveling baseball team. So if we just backtrack, what's interesting is when your organization handed out these cell phones and they encouraged you, please have this on you. And what's interesting, today, no one's asking hey, please have this phone on you, everyone just has it on them. Which, again, you talk about distractions. So, with so many distractions today, from constant emails to the demands of a 24-7 work culture, which I believe 2020 kind of shook up a bit, yeah, do you believe true balance is still possible for leaders and parents and people today? Like, what can we do to reclaim our focus?

Tom Bohen: 11:09

Yeah, that's a great question and my short answer is yes, and I think you have to level set and I think you have to understand, because you're on all of the time. I think people work a lot longer hours than we used to. You could be responding to an email at five o'clock in the morning and nine o'clock at night, ok, well, maybe me taking two hours out to coach my little league team is not such a bad thing, because I'm giving you 50, 60 hours a week, so I think you can. But I think you really need to level set and, as a leader, you need to let your folks have that time too. As a leader, you need to let your folks have that time too.

Tom Bohen: 11:46

Now I know, after COVID in 2020, we primarily work from home and I had over 1,100 employees people working from home. So there's a level of trust you have to give and, of course, we could monitor performance and whatnot. But if somebody's like you know, from 12 to 2, they're going to go to the school program and then from 2 to 5, they're going to finish up their day and get everything done, that's fine, that's great. So I think that's where there's good and bad to the technology revolution and it's just the way you manage it and the level set, like anything, you got to communicate.

Tom Bohen: 12:16

That's the one thing I learned in college, right? I mean, I didn't go to college to become this leader, I went to college for communication and I feel like if anybody didn't know what to major in and they were going to get into management but didn't want to take business management classes, I'd recommend communication because you get an opportunity to practice that. You get an opportunity to learn about different ways of communication, not just you talking, but you listening, active listening, and then, of course, nonverbal communication, which is one of my favorite things to analyze, although internally, so, tom, and I've known you for many years now.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 12:51

I admire how humble you are. So you were a leader in a very large organization. You had just mentioned 1,100 employees, pretty substantial organization. It's pretty large, and what you just said was the flexibility aspect of that. Was there a turning point in your career growing as a person, professionally but personally that when you got to a certain point as a leader that you said I want to be that leader that not only leads my people appropriately and we can define that in so many different ways but I want my people to not fear me, understand that I have their back. So for you to say, hey, if your kid has something from two to four and if you can finish that up in the evening, that would be great. The flexibility what was the tipping point for you? Was there a specific experience you had when you said you know what? I never want to be like that leader who is a dictator.

Tom Bohen: 13:52

So you know, what's funny is going back to when I started my career and I had the good fortune of starting with a company called Chubb very reputable insurance company, great training but one of the ideas of the day in leadership was well, I don't care if my people like me, I want them to respect me. And I was like and I heard that a lot I'm like okay, and I just walk away and go. I don't want them to like me too. You know why can't I have both? So I always had that in the back of my mind. It's kind of like that old adage you get a lot more with honey than you with vinegar.

Tom Bohen: 14:27

I always came into an organization or a team or when people came to my team with the fact that we're going to be on good terms. I'm going to be a leader that's very communicative. I'm not going to be that top-down guy. I'm going to you know, we're going to work as a team. I'm not going to tell you to do things, I'm going to ask you to do things. And then, hopefully, I build a mutual respect where you're going to do those things or we're going to talk about projects and, hey, can you do this project for me and while I might have been in my own mind thinking I'm really kind of telling them to do that, but I was asking them, hey, can we do this or can we do that together?

Tom Bohen: 15:07

So I felt building a rapport was the most important thing, because then if there was an issue or poor performance, I was not a yeller and a screamer Not usually. You know. There are occasions and my sons would tell you the same thing that the worst thing about not hitting a mark or not performing for somebody you liked and respected was that you disappointed them. With my boys growing up it was like, oh yeah, we just didn't want to hear the D word dad. We wanted, never wanted to hear disappointed, and that's kind of how I always felt too.

Tom Bohen: 15:40

I wanted to build a rapport with folks so that they wanted to work for me. They did respect me because I was straight up, I was honest. I wanted to build a rapport with folks so that they wanted to work for me. They did respect me because I was straight up, I was honest, I tried to be kind and I wanted to be likable. We like to laugh and the teams I had it was like you got to laugh together, you got to have fun and that's what I tried to do, and I think that was part of that balanced perspective as well.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 16:01

It's like I didn't have to be a have to be yelling or screaming because the people liked and respected me For the most part there are exceptions- and I don't think team members, if we accept, just as individuals, that not everyone's going to like you, but as long as we can work together and respect each other, I think it's a beautiful thing. Yes, but I really like your thought process, tom behind, as you become a balanced leader, because I will tell you now, being a first-time father, it's like a switch has gone off and it's like I see things differently now. And now it's not about me or just the singular unit of my wife and I. Now we have this beautiful boy that we need to make sure that we're caring for. It's like a whole different level.

Tom Bohen: 16:55

It's the ultimate team.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 16:57

It's the ultimate team, and so balancing life and family being a successful leader, let's just say, in a corporate organization, it absolutely does require significant time and energy. How did you personally manage to stay connected with your family while balancing the intense demands of the corporate world, and what advice do you have for leaders looking to do the same? Because today's day and age, tom, it's fast paced business environment, especially with AI and all that.

Tom Bohen: 17:33

So and I think I did a little post about this a month or so ago on LinkedIn you got to be present, you got to be there. Don't miss things. Okay, go to the ball games as many times as you can. Go to the school plays or performances, go to the awards assemblies, don't miss those things. The school carnivals, you know, and I think you've got to enable your folks to do that too, because you want to be there, you want to go through that with your family. So enable your folks to do that too. And I would say, get involved as well. You've been a sports guy your whole life. You know I did a lot of coaching and it was great because I had correct those things real time if you need to.

Tom Bohen: 18:33

At home, we always ate together, with rare exception, have dinner together, and I can tell you how many times we just laughed at dinner over silly stuff or recap the day. Our dinners were not usually serious. We would, you know, catch up on the, even when my boys were teenagers and when they were home, you know they weren't playing. You know high school golf, which they ended up playing, but when they were home we would laugh. I mean, there's one night at dinner plays. I got a permanent crown and they did not make it permanent, let's just leave it at that. I swallowed a permanent crown at dinner and I decided this was a good time to call the dentist office after hours and leave a voicemail. So let's just say the voicemail became infamous within that dental office and my boys to this day laugh about that phone call. So that was just one thing that I remember. But we laughed all the time. Just be present, be together and you won't regret it.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 20:41

You know, tom, the word present that's used so much today and I love how you defined it in a way that will be so easily understandable by our listeners tuned in right now because there's a book called the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, and I read this book for the first time in Arizona and you know we are both men of faith and I look back at it now. Being in Arizona, I was in the desert and you know when you're in the desert it's a time of reflection. Nothing really grows in the desert. I think very abstractly about these things, probably too much, tom. So I'm reading this book and I'm like it all makes sense now and it's so hard at times to be present and, as a leader, how important it is to be present right now.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 21:37

What is the problem we're trying to solve right now? Because, as humans, the challenge we have the difference between us and a tree. If you were to ask a tree what are you looking forward to tomorrow? The tree would say what's tomorrow? Like the tree has no concept of time. As leaders and as humans, we have this concept of time. I mean already with my son I'm thinking, oh my gosh, you know he's going to be this age and it can get you a little anxious a little bit. But then, coming down to being present, eckhart Tolle talks about the power of now. A lot of us will think about the past, which gives us anxiety, and we'll think about the future, which gives us anxiety, and the challenge with that, and I experienced this in my own life when I was running the practice. You're always thinking about the next thing and I look back now and I asked my wife, autumn.

Tom Bohen: 22:30

I'm like there were times I just don't think I was really there and I personally never want to say that now, being a father, yeah, you make a great point there and in my analogy for that it goes back to baseball, because it was a big part of my life Play today's game. Yeah, don't look to tomorrow's game game. So you know, you, you did the whole little league thing, the all-star thing, the tournament champions thing. I was lucky enough to have boys were good players, we had some good teams and I remember people would be like, okay, well, game one we should win, but game two we're going to be playing, you know, so and so, and they've got this great pitcher and they have a bye, so we're going to save our best people. I'd be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we're going to focus on winning today's game. We will worry about tomorrow's game. Tomorrow.

Tom Bohen: 23:18

I was a planner. I was a more big picture person. You know I like to plan, I like to be forward thinking with my team, but I didn't make it so complex that it was like, okay, we're going to plan it every day or every week. Some things are like you have to have a longer term vision and we're going to fill in the details as they come. So I think people got to sometimes get too wrapped up and let's, you know, let, today's going to be fine and we'll deal with that. You know, let's, let's talk about tomorrow. It's like, well, you got to win, you got to win today to get to tomorrow, and that was kind of my thing.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 23:48

And that was kind of my thing, yeah, and so to dovetail off that during COVID 2020, I really do believe, was like a massive shake up for, I think, a lot, of, a lot of individuals just in general, scary time. I mean, I was running a business then and I was talking about in episode one that was the scariest moment of my life, cause I'm thinking to myself is the business going to stay afloat? And it's like the past two and a half years we've been grinding it out. This is how it's going to end, like I'm like this isn't good and maybe some other choice words.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 24:24

But I read a book called the seven spiritual laws of success and I think you'll appreciate this uh, deepak, deepak chopra, and uh, talks about pure potentiality. And one way to get to pure potentiality is, essentially, you want to reach, you know the, the gap of no mind where it's like you're in a flow state. You probably experience this playing sports, maybe you're pitching your boys probably experience this like time just slows down. Or maybe you're in a meeting and you're so engrossed and so focused. That's that gap of no mind. And one way to get to this point as a leader, as an individual, just in life, as a human is to practice silence, so to be a balanced leader, were there times throughout your career where, as a leader, as a father, as a mentor, where you really needed to find that solitude within yourself and sort of just like close the door and find silence to recharge yourself?

Tom Bohen: 25:28

Yeah, absolutely. I think you know, one of the things that I always tried to do, even when I was in the office and before, during and after COVID, was sometimes go out and just take a, take a walk, a decompressing walk. Put your headphones in Now, granted, the phone calls can still come in while you're walking but I would take probably take a 30 minute walk just about every day when I could, if I could free up my schedule, If not be going to do something like the gym or gosh. I played slow-pitch softball until I was 52 years old. You have to have the balance, and quiet time is very important. You're a musician I play one on TV, no, I try to play a little guitar and those are the things where you got the quiet time.

Tom Bohen: 26:12

I took guitar lessons for years on my Friday lunch hours. Every Friday, the instructor was 10 minutes away. I blocked out 45 minutes and I would do my lesson on a Friday, come back to the office, and that was something to look forward to. It's also something when I came home from the office to decompress, I'd go into my little secret room and I would practice my chords and practice and just learn in preparation for next week's lesson. So you have to do those things. You know we talked about faith. I do pray. I said a lot of rosaries when I was, when I was working, especially during the COVID stuff, and you know there was a lot of uncertainty and pulling off what we did and my company. We sent a thousand people home in 48 hours. You know, never worked from home before and it was like can we bring us through this experience?

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 27:02

This is a really cool story.

Tom Bohen: 27:03

Yeah, let me tell you. So you know, as, as things were kind of building up, you know, we, we didn't know what was going on. We know a lot more now than we did back then. But it was like you know, the company and corporation, we made a decision to say we're going to send people from home, send people home. Businesses were doing that. It was like, how is this going to work? So I had I always had a laptop, I could work from home.

Tom Bohen: 27:26

But our associates, they I don't, I can't remember what they called them, but they were not even full computers, they were just a tool to get into the corporate system, you know, through the VPN or whatnot, and be able to get into the processing systems and to the phone calls, voice over, ip and all that stuff. So we, you know, met with IT. They came up with their instructions on how we're going to do this stuff. I had a great catalyst. I'll give her a shout out. Her name is Shannon. She was awesome. She's like boss. I got this. I'm like okay, between her and another lady named Jen, they ran around the office and they got everybody squared away. They told the people what to expect. Here's your equipment.

Tom Bohen: 28:03

And one of the funny things was a chair. Can I have a chair? Because I don't have a work chair. Yeah, we sent people home with chairs. I didn't know if they could take the chairs, but what else were we going to do? I needed them to work.

Tom Bohen: 28:13

Some people were working from bedrooms and kitchen tables. Some people had two or three roommates shared a house. Nobody had an office. So there was a lot of uncertainty and our first thing was the connectivity. How's that going to work? And then within 24, 48 hours, it's like it worked. Kudos to our IT folks. And then people you know, within a week we were processing work, taking phone calls, handling customers, like nothing happened. It was incredible and I give that credit to the team. If I could throw an operations plug out there for process and procedure and contingency plans, maybe we talk about that another time. But being ready for those things, right, because I'm thinking about reading a second book, even though I haven't got my first one published. There's no playbook for leadership. You got to improvise. It's like playing a sport. It's like you're playing football plays. You play football. It's like, oh, we're playing this running team. We're going to load up our defense. We're going to stop.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 29:11

We're going to run a five, two, yeah, then they come out and they throw 12 passes in their first 13 plays.

Tom Bohen: 29:16

You're like, wait, I wasn't expecting that. Yeah, so you have to adjust, and that was kind of like the whole COVID thing. We learned a lot through that and of course, there are adjustments through that whole process, but I you know who were dedicated and great people who were bought in because of the team concept, and I'd like to think that was something to do with the way they were led and managed, not only by me but by my boss and others in the organization as well.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 29:42

Well, I think your energy, Tom just as a I know you as an individual, but also as a leader that absolutely trickles down to the entire organization for sure, like if you were a leader who just didn't have the positive outlook that you have. I'm a firm believer in just you can. It's the vibe, you can feel it, and I'm sure that helped not only throughout your career but during COVID and that was a traumatic time for a lot of people, but you were probably so present during that moment. And now, as a leader, you are also responsible for 1100 families. Essentially right, that's a lot of weight. Many listeners may be wondering how to integrate roles as both parents and leaders.

Tom Bohen: 30:35

Yeah.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 30:35

So, from your experience, how can leaders be present at home while still being engaged in their work?

Tom Bohen: 30:43

Leave the office. Strife in the office. Right, it's one thing, maybe, to talk to your spouse or your partner about, hey, here's what's going on in the office. It's one thing, maybe, to talk to your spouse or your partner about, hey, here's what's going on in the office, but there was no need to let the kids hear, oh, we had a tough day at work, or there's some, you know, because you're a kid, you're like oh my God daddy's going to lose his job.

Tom Bohen: 31:06

You know, let them stress about the stuff that they're going on at school, Right, and the things they have to worry about. And then, with my wife, I told her. I said I'm going to do like a data dump to you every Friday. We would go to dinner on Friday evenings, go to the.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 31:15

I remember you telling me this, yeah, and I would just spew Please expand on this, because our listeners need to hear this. This is important. First of all, lynn is amazing. She's phenomenal, she is the matriarch, and beside every great man is a greater woman.

Tom Bohen: 31:33

Well, she stole a quote from Irma Bombeck. She would tell you, behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. So let that one sink in. I believe it was Irma Bombeck and it's probably true. But no, I mean, there were times where I know she wanted to do more. And you know, we had a lot of responsibility, a lot of clients and, look, I've worked for great people. Great company did a great job. Those folks that are doing it today and the people that worked for me, they're awesome. I would recommend any of them. They're still, they're doing their thing.

Tom Bohen: 32:03

There were tough times, there were stressful times, there were things you had to deal with. So bring my wife into, like, how was your day? And most days I go oh, it was a day, let's, you know, let's go have dinner, you know. Or let's uh, let's watch our favorite show. But on Fridays I would give her like the spew because it was Friday. You know, we might or might not have a adult beverage or two, but then that's kind of how we would in over the years, that's kind of how we dealt with it. And how would that conversation go? Typically, I would start it on the golf cart ride. There we would just say, hey, you know, here's what's going on. And you know she kind of expected that she would just ask me questions. And you know my wife, she's very detail oriented, she can pepper you with questions. You will get questions from Mrs Bowen. But sometimes I struggled, like to like, oh, I really don't want to talk about this that much, but you had to, and that was good for me to have a wife that was pulling that out of me too, because bottling that stuff up, that's not good either. Right, that's part of what that away time and that downtime you were talking about. The quiet time is important too. You don't bottle that stuff up, you just let it, you know, ooze out one way or another.

Tom Bohen: 33:12

Balancing work and being a parent, you know there were times where I had to travel or whatnot. That's when, you know, the technology revolution and texting was actually a really good thing because I could communicate with my boys. You know, because nobody from that generation, or your generation, Blaise, likes to talk on the phone. You might be an exception, I love it, but you know the texting was a great way to stay in touch. Hey, how's it going today? How's school? I'm in Atlanta today or I'm in Raleigh I'm meeting with a client. That was a good way. And also when they had golf matches, they would text me how they did at golf because you weren't allowed to attend the golf matches which I'm just going to tell you right now. I completely understand.

Tom Bohen: 33:44

Being a baseball parent, you do not want golf parents watching two kids try to play golf in a match and you know, keep things calm and cool. But yeah, keep it in the baseball field, yeah. But I really think it's the communication aspect and the listening as well. I realized over time how important it was for me to share with my wife and we got to that point like, but if I shared too much, I learned early in my career when I shared too much, when I was the first supervisor, I was like, oh my gosh, what am I doing? I knew it drove her crazy because it was like why are you doing this? You're just miserable. It's like, well, I'm not really miserable, I'm just sharing with you. So there are ways to temper that. But you have to share. But I'd say, pick your spots.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 34:27

Tom, the key word there is absolutely communication and if we break it down, communication really is defined as an exchange of ideas and oftentimes it can be really hard to have those hard conversations, not only in the corporate setting out of fear of like okay, if I say something wrong, are they going to interpret this the wrong way? Wrong, are they going to interpret this the wrong way? But especially when you're married, you and your spouse being on that same page is so important. And I love that end of week debrief because if you do have a difficult day not wearing that on your sleeve, because again, being a new parent now, it's like all right, check yourself, bro. That's what I tell myself. There are way bigger fish to fry. There's way bigger fish to fry and every action has a reaction and it's about him and this family. Now and I talk to Autumn about this all the time.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 35:32

We ran a business together for five years. It was a successful business and I'm not saying that to brag or boast, I'm just saying what we learned. It wasn't easy, number one, running that business was not easy, but what we learned, tom, is how to communicate really well, because you're not only communicating from an operations standpoint. Right like okay, how's the business going to operate insurance? What insurances do we have? Oh, okay, Blaise, this patient has x insurance. They have this benefit. Thanks, autumn, I really appreciate you calling and getting that. So we had that communication in the professional setting, then turning that off and having communication in the home setting. So it's definitely different, because not every couple's like that. But I will tell you what I've learned now being a first time father, now being a parent going through paternity leave. Every day it got better and I kept telling Autumn I'm like we got this. Obviously, man of faith, we always lean into him, but communicating with your wife, with your husband, with your spouse, it is key.

Tom Bohen: 36:37

Yeah, because remember that when you're back to work full time.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 36:41

Yeah, and I am so, tom, looking ahead. What will the long term benefits for leaders who can maintain a balanced approach to leadership Like? What are the long-term benefits? So you had just mentioned, remember that when I get back to work full-time, which definitely is in the forefront of my mind, right? So we have that routine, we're communicating what are the long-term benefits of an individual who is balanced in their life, both work and life?

Tom Bohen: 37:14

I appreciate the question. I think that's a great question. I just hope it helps you keep things together, keeps your personal sanity in check. You know that lady Shannon I referred to she would say things to me. She said it many times how do you not, how are you not like freaking out, like we have a big situation? I'm like, okay, what do you mean? She goes. You know, how do you not? Are you not like freaking out, like I have a big situation? I'm like, okay, what do you mean? She goes. You know, aren't you stressed out? I'm like, what's the worst thing that's going to happen here? We're processing documents, providing insurance, we're talking to customers. I said and I literally said this you know, having sons in the military, I said nobody's shooting at us. You know we're, we, we're, we're in the financial world. Okay, yeah, the worst.

Tom Bohen: 37:54

And I never took my customers of the business. You know lightly it was. It was serious business. But it's like we're gonna get through it, we're gonna figure it out, and that's what I think balance helps do too, because I always hearken back to what was really important in my life. Okay, if they let me go, the next day, i'm'm still going to have my wife and my family, and you know the things I believe in and the things that I did in my life and where I came from that I'll land back on my feet, and I tried to encourage people to think that way too. It's like and that's what I passed down to my leader is it's if you've got a balanced approach and you're taking the time to do specific things for yourself and for family, you know you're going to be a great leader. You can be a great leader.

Tom Bohen: 38:34

When I would coach leaders and I'll give you a few points here that I think are important I always try to break it down into like a practical leadership management emphasis. Like, okay, what are we going to talk about today? You know you're planning, you're reporting, you're managing your KPIs. Then there was the communication approach verbal, non-written, active listening. Then your leadership approach vision set and credibility.

Tom Bohen: 38:56

I like enablement better than empowerment. I just think empowerment's I don't know too cliche for me. I like enable your folks to do things. Then an inspirational emphasis how do you inspire people? How do you get followership? Be authentic. Probably the number one thing I would tell people just be yourself, don't try too hard, and then have a passion for what you do, and then navigational emphasis how you fit in an organization, help people, a lot of young leaders, emerging leaders. They don't know how to manage up. They don't know how to you know. Sometimes you just need to learn how to shine a little spotlight on yourself or volunteer for projects or how you can become part of an organizational aspect where you can provide influence. So that's kind of how I approach things and I tried to make sure we ensured balance that people you know had a balanced approach in everything you know, whether it was balance in your leadership versus management, your personal versus professional, and keep those things in check and then never take yourself seriously Going back to that authenticity I was talking about.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 39:56

It's tough, I think, not taking things too seriously. But then that goes back to being present, because when you are present you're not thinking about the crap that just happened, like an hour ago.

Tom Bohen: 40:09

I always talked about, always had an open door policy and during, you know, now, with the remote work, that's difficult, but you can still have an open door policy.

Tom Bohen: 40:19

You can still make sure you're not putting yourself on, do not disturb, you know, whether using, you know, using, you know, teams messaging or any other tool, or making sure you're responding to emails or picking up the phone. You know, back in the day, when I, you know, back in the day when I, you know, and I never left the office during COVID, I worked every day because I had people that were in there and I thought it was important for me to be there for them, especially first couple of months where people were like, what is this all about? We're going to, we're going to be fine, I'll be with you guys. But to literally have the door open and to be present, like you said, because somebody might just want to pop in and share something or somebody has a concern, I think people find you relatable and authentic if the door is open. So I knew a lot of people who said, oh, I have an open door policy. It's like, yeah, your door's never open.

Tom Bohen: 41:02

It's always closed and your window we should keep it open and I think that's good practice. You know to like. You know, hey, text me, email me, I'm available for you, especially if you need to talk. It's not like we're talking about a specific project. Sometimes people need to talk and vent and they just need you. And you know you get close to people you work with and I think that's important.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 41:24

Tom, there might be some individuals tuning into this show who might not have a mentor and I think that in today's day and age, the financial aspect gives a lot of individuals a lot of anxiety. You know we see on social media hey, I just closed my eight-figure deal. It's like shut up. You've obviously had these conversations with both of your boys. In those individuals who feel as though that they haven't done well enough financially or aren't saving enough or aren't thinking about the future, what are some tips that you can share them? You know being a balanced leader can help them with that financial situation maybe.

Tom Bohen: 42:08

Awesome question and I always told my folks this too and it's essentially you take care of the things you're supposed to take care of. You take advantage of your opportunities, you be a team player and a collaborator and the financial stuff's going to take care of itself. I firmly believe that that's how it was for me and I would say, for most of the people that work for me. If you're working in a company or an organization that truly pays for performance and rewards performance and encourages upward mobility and mobility from you know associate level into leadership and management jobs, those things will take care of themselves. You know you take care of the business that's in front of you, and that was kind of back to that conversation we talked about. You know, let's play the game today, play that game today, but don't forget about tomorrow. I want to mention that as well, and I do think people kind of stew about that. But then that's where that communication comes in. And you mentioned a mentor. You gotta have a mentor because every business is going to be different, every organization is going to be different, but they can share with you maybe some you know tidbits or stories of how they got to where they were today. Were they grinding it out? Were they like stepping all over people? No, most people that get themselves to upper levels work their way up and, I would say, a thoughtful, methodical way. And business can be ugly, it can be a little challenging, but you take care of things and you keep progressing and keep learning. I mean, I think I've learned more in the last two years than I did in the last 10, just from this journey on writing a book. And just, you are writing a book. I was going to say, yeah, playing around with my LinkedIn videos and whatnot that are amateurish but they're fun. I just think don't obsess about that. If you're in a place where that talent and the effort is rewarded, do your thing, keep doing it and ask for stuff. Right? I'm not saying go ask for a raise, ask for more responsibility. Somebody says I got a project, I need somebody to step up and try to do this, take a shot, and then you, as a leader, you coach that person. If somebody falls down a little bit when they took on a new project, you don't beat them up. It's like coaching baseball. We lost the game three to two, but we played a great ball game. But what I tell the team. You guys played a great game. We just lost today. They just played better. Today you might win a game nine to two and you played a terrible ball game, you know. But you know we were just fortunate that they played less terrible than us. But you're not going to go beat them up the same way. You're also going to say, hey, guys, we got to do this better, we got to do that better, and tomorrow we're going to come out and we're going to win the ballgame, or look, better doing it. And I think that's the key too. Right, you just got to make sure when you're coaching people or counseling and counseling is a part of the job.

Tom Bohen: 44:45

I'll go back to one thing I didn't mention earlier. When I was first a manager working for Chubb in San Diego, I worked for an amazing guy. I'll mention his name was Gary Okara. I don't know where he is today, but he went on to bigger and better things in the insurance history. He was a guy who could call you into his office, give you a counseling or encouragement to do things better, and you would walk out of there feeling like you got promoted. He had such a way, with how he balanced the conversation, to say look, I have a lot of faith in you, but these things are not good, you need to do better. And at the end of the conversation was but you're the right guy to do it, you're the right guy for the job. Walk out like doing cartwheels. No, I could never do a cartwheel, but you know what I mean? It's the sandwich method. And he, that's right. And he preached that.

Tom Bohen: 45:29

And he was also the same guy. We worked our butts off. We landed a big account in the operations. People my people did their thing. Hey, it's Friday at noon. We're all going to Dick's last resort in downtown San Diego. Shut your computers off. You can check messages later. It's like that's my guy and that was really in the business world. That was the guy who really set the tone for me and it never left me. And that's 30 years ago now. That's 30 years ago now.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 45:52

So that to me and I say this a lot just in my leadership journey transfer of information, process of duplication. So what he did is he was creating more leaders, and I think that that's really important to do today, because if you're an individual that is afraid of creating more leaders, that's not a good position that you want to be in out of. Maybe fear of oh, they might take my position. It's like no, zig Ziglar says it best If you help others get what they want, you in turn are going to get what you want. Now you can't do it in a way that is manipulative, right?

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 46:37

And if we go back to you know again, I'm an amateur at the bible, but matthew 7, 7 is asking it shall be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and it will be open unto you going into your career. That way of knowing what you want but also service to many leads to greatness. Tom is really what you're, you're saying and being balanced. In that way you are living proof. And the mentors that you had. I mean that's incredible, the fact that it all goes back to that inner core circle. And then you passed that and you created more leaders and that is so important for the organization but also for life, and I will say most importantly those leaders', families.

Tom Bohen: 47:16

Yes, you're absolutely right. And one thing I wanted to add it's never too late, or you're never too old, not to have a mentor or coach. So probably five years before I retired, I had a friend that worked for me and, due to circumstances, at the prior company she went different ways, but we always stayed in touch. She became an executive coach. One of the things she had to do to get her certification was to coach pro bono and executive. So she coached me. We still talk to this day every two weeks.

Tom Bohen: 47:48

So as I was, you know, navigating my way through more responsibility every day, I had this amazing coach, Ann Smith, who is phenomenal and we still talk today and she got me through a lot of things. Not because a coach is like beating you over the head, saying we should do this or that. They're listening and they're asking you introspective questions to get you to think about. Wait a minute, I know the answer and she just got me there. So it's never too late to have a mentor or coach. I recommend people having them until they decide they're going to retire.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 48:23

Tom, I always appreciate your time and the conversation has just been so well received. I really appreciate you being the first guest on the Trail Blaiser. Again, this is a movement and this is a show that we want to ensure that we're helping emerging leaders, current leaders, not only in corporate, but also parents. How can you become that balanced individual to not only go through challenges but grow through those challenges? So, tom, in closing, when can we expect your book the Balanced Leader to be published? Tell us more.

Tom Bohen: 49:03

I'm glad you asked. I actually did recently review the actual text. They're working on the cover, so we're down to the cover now, I'm hoping sometime in May. That's my estimate. So literally, I sent some feedback back yesterday on what I'd like the cover to look like and we'll see what they come back with. But I'm really excited and looking forward to sharing that as well and started to poke around looking to write more stuff too.

Blaise Delfino, M.S. - HIS: 49:34

Well, I'm going to put this out there New York Times bestseller, the one and only Tom Bowen. Tom, I appreciate you. I'm excited for your continued success.

Tom Bohen: 49:43

And you too. I appreciate you. Thank you for having me and best to that beautiful wife and little man you got at home. Keep your balance and do the right thing. Be present, my man, amen. I appreciate you, tom. All right, you too. Bye-bye.